Caring for Those With Dementia

Caring for someone with dementia can be physically, emotionally, and financially challenging. I work with caregivers of individuals with dementia every day and one thing that comes up often is that they are uncertain of how to interact with the person they鈥檙e caring for, particularly as the disease progresses. While every caregiving situation is unique depending on the kind of dementia, there are 10 caregiver commandments that can provide guidance for all.

 

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  • Agree, Never Argue. Even if the person you鈥檙e caring for is saying something that isn鈥檛 true, makes no sense, or is offensive, roll with it. Meet that person where they鈥檙e at. Arguing just creates stress for you and them.
  • Redirect, Never Reason. When the person your caring for is fixated on something 鈥 they insist it鈥檚 time to go home, even if they are home 鈥 redirect their attention to something else. It could be something on the TV, showing them a picture, mentioning the weather鈥nything that will move them away from whatever they鈥檝e fixated on.
  • Distract, Never Shame. If a mistake is made and confusion sets in, just laugh it off and instead, tell them how good they look! Positivity isn鈥檛 always easy, but humor and compassion can help in a tough situation. Humans often dwell on mistakes or lost memories; focusing on something positive or even fun can bring peace and joy, even if only for a little while.
  • Reassure, Never Lecture. Individuals with dementia become more fearful as the disease progresses. Reassure them that everything is okay, even if they continue to express fear and anxiety. Keep in mind that even the familiar may now be new and unfamiliar to them.
  • Reminisce, Never Say 鈥淩emember.鈥 To say, 鈥渄on鈥檛 you remember鈥 is very frustrating and hurtful to someone with dementia because they truly can鈥檛 remember. When they see you frustrated, they will get equally frustrated. Things can easily fall apart. Instead, just share a memory you have and even if they don鈥檛 remember it, they鈥檒l often enjoy the story you鈥檙e telling.
  • Repeat, Never Say, 鈥淚 already told you that.鈥 This ties into not saying 鈥渞emember.鈥 You may have told something to the person you鈥檙e caring for less than five minutes ago, but they won鈥檛 remember. If you find yourself getting frustrated with repeating the same thing over and over again, drop that thing and move onto something else. This goes back to the 鈥淩edirect鈥 commandment.
  • Say 鈥淒o what you can,鈥 Never Say 鈥淵ou can鈥檛.鈥 Provide easy tasks for the person your caring for鈥攆olding towels, drying the dishes, sweeping, helping with bathing鈥攖o make them feel useful and a part of daily living.
  • Ask, Never Command. The person with dementia deserves respect and kindness. Treat them the way you鈥檇 like to be treated.
  • Encourage and Praise, Never Condescend. Always remember that a simple task is not easy for someone with dementia. Giving them praise will go far.
  • Reinforce, Never Force. You may have to repeat how to do something many times, but your patience will be appreciated.

 

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The Alzheimer鈥檚 Association is a hub for many services, support groups, and excellent trainings and disease education.聽 Go to to find your local chapter. They have a 24/7 helpline (1-800-272-3900) to help you during times of stress, when a new behavior occurs that has you frightened or frustrated, or if you just need someone to talk to.