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So鈥夆�︹�塰ow are you feeling?
Hold on! Before you answer that, I am talking about, you know, emotions.
Glad, sad, mad, scared, ashamed鈥夆�︹��?

These are some of the words therapists use to help get their clients started on identifying their feelings. You might be using these words, among many others, to identify your own feelings. If so, good for you! However, you might also find you鈥檙e not so comfortable in talking about your emotions. In fact, you might not always even be sure of what emotions you are experiencing.

If being aware of your own emotions doesn鈥檛 come easily, and if talking about emotions is also hard for you, you are not alone. But having said that, emotions are part of being human. And being aware of our emotions, and being able to express feelings, enhances our overall wellness, as well as improves communication.

What Are You Doing with Your Feelings?

Pretending that you don鈥檛 have feelings, also referred to as swallowing your feelings, doesn鈥檛 make them go away. Doing this only causes pain to yourself and the people who care about you. As an instructor at 91直播, I often interact with my students about emotional issues.

We live in challenging times. We are experiencing a lot of unrest in the world, while we are also trying to emerge from a global pandemic. There are also the many challenges we are facing in our own communities, in our workplaces, and in our home life. My Excelsior students are trying to obtain an education in the midst of all of this. They are my heroes!

Here a few composite examples:

A single parent of three children is trying to balance work, child care, and education, including caring for a child with a learning disability, while also tending to the needs of an aging parent. And completing a college degree that will mean more economic security for the family.

A member of the Armed Forces is leaving for what may be a lengthy deployment and is concerned about completing their education so they can move to the next level in their military career. The student has fallen behind in two courses.

After losing family members to cancer as well as to COVID-19, a student finds themselves overwhelmed by the need to provide various kinds of assistance as well as emotional support to family members, so much so that they have not had time to do their own grieving. They are falling behind in their schoolwork.

These are just a few examples of the challenges our students face. Others I have encountered have included loss of a home due to a natural disaster, domestic violence, and medical diagnoses, among other challenges.

As you read these examples, you may have thought about challenges you have encountered in your own life. Life鈥檚 challenges lead to stress and the emotions that I identified at the beginning of this article. Stress that is not addressed can, over time, lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. What are you doing about your stress?

Now, on any given day, you may find yourself experiencing emotions that are all over the place, especially during times when life seems to throw one curveball after another in your direction, or in the direction of someone for whom you are attempting to provide emotional support. Having emotions is just part of being human. So why do so many of us tend to hold our emotions in, or deny their existence, or refuse to talk about emotions with the people in our lives?

Well, I think we are all too often afraid of emotions, afraid they will overcome us, that we won鈥檛 be able to function if we give into them. But I am here to tell you, as a therapist, that acknowledging emotions, allowing ourselves to feel our feelings, is an important step toward emotional wellness.

Just how do you do that, you might be asking? Well, I just happen to have a few ideas.

In the moment, engage your rational mind. Clients often say to me, 鈥淪ometimes I am just overwhelmed by feelings. They just run away with me. How can I keep that from happening?鈥� Here鈥檚 how: Start by accepting that feelings are part of being human and own your feelings!

Many of us were brought up in families where emotions were not okay. As a result, we learned to swallow our own feelings. If this was your experience, you may also have learned, perhaps the hard way, that unacknowledged feelings build up and find their way out, often at the wrong place and time, and with a much greater intensity than the situation warrants, like blowing up all over the place over something pretty insignificant. So feel how you feel. And give yourself permission to tell other people how you are feeling, as feelings arise, not after you have been holding them back for a few days. This may take some practice. But if you make a habit of expressing your feelings on a regular basis, you will feel less at risk for having your feelings fly out of control. In other words, let go of the assumption to automatically assume you don鈥檛 have a right to your feelings.

Letting those feelings out doesn鈥檛 mean you will lose control. Actually, it鈥檚 the opposite. Feelings kept inside will build up over time. They must go somewhere. They may cause internal stress, which can have a negative effect on your well-being, and even affect your health. Built-up emotions can lead to tension that never seems to go away, which can result in high blood pressure, heart problems, stomach issues, or mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

Take a step back when you need to. When you鈥檙e caught up in a situation, it鈥檚 really hard to not get overwhelmed emotionally to the point where you become alarmed by the intensity of your feelings and possibly concerned over the impact of your feelings on other people. Often, your reactions have done damage to yourself and others. You may also be likely to feel overwhelmed and out of control if you feel your emotions are being ignored or disrespected by others. This is a good time to take a step back from the situation. It might mean holding up your hand and stating that you need a couple of minutes. It might also mean leaving the room for a brief period. The point here is to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your emotions鈥攊n the moment.

Breathe. You can use your breath to keep from becoming overwhelmed by your emotions. The technique is called diaphragmatic breathing: a slow deep breath in through your nose, all the way in until your belly sticks out, and then a slow release of breath out through your mouth. Do this a few times and you will be amazed at the results. Diaphragmatic breathing helps to give you a sense of peace and calm. It also helps you to engage your rational mind so your emotions don鈥檛 run away with you.

A Few Additional Thoughts听About Anger

I think it is safe to say that, for better or worse, we live in a culture of anger. It seems to me that it has become okay to blow up, to express angry thoughts, angry words, to take angry actions against other people. So I think that a discussion about mental health needs to include words about anger.

Sure, getting angry is part of being human. Keep in mind that anger is a primary emotion. When someone treats you or someone you care about in a disrespectful or aggressive manner, it鈥檚 only human to get mad. Nature has wired us to get angry. Where the complications arise is as a result of what we choose to do with all that anger. Emphasis on 鈥渃hoose鈥�!

Anger is what therapists call a covering emotion. In other words, we may have an underlying emotion, like fear, or disappointment, or sadness, going on. If we are avoiding acknowledging or experiencing that emotion, we may find ourselves veering into anger instead. And keep in mind that anger may feel more comfortable at the moment and more acceptable than the feelings the anger may be covering. For example, have you ever felt deeply sad or disappointed, and found yourself on the edge of blowing up at someone? If so, you were using your anger to cover another feeling.

And let鈥檚 face it, anger can sure feel better than whatever emotions it鈥檚 covering up. Sadness can feel like one long heartache that seems to hang over you like a dark cloud. Fear conjures up lots of 鈥渨hat ifs,鈥� and reminds us that not only are we not in control of whatever situation that is causing the fear, we might also be helpless to stop it from happening. Disappointment is just plain old crushing. And so it鈥檚 human nature to latch on to anger to cover it all up and, at least temporarily, make it go away.

Anger can feel energizing, purposeful. Blowing up can make us feel like, at least temporarily, we are doing something and not just sitting with sadness, fear, or disappointment. The problem is that our anger is generally not aimed toward constructive action. Anger is all too often a destructive force, doing great damage to our wellness and our relationships. Wouldn鈥檛 it be a better idea to acknowledge the emotions we are trying to cover up with all that anger and learn some creative ways to cope?

In the moment of anger, take a step back. Do whatever it takes to engage your rational mind, whether it鈥檚 taking a few deep, calming breaths, or leaving the room for a moment to regroup, or whatever else you can do to help you think before you react. Get back in touch with what鈥檚 pushing that anger button. This will help you to get a handle on that urge to go from zero to 60.

Don鈥檛 let yourself hide behind blowing up. Sometimes you鈥檙e mad because you鈥檙e mad. But other times, anger is not anger at all. Instead, it鈥檚 sadness or fear that you don鈥檛 want to admit to, and so you cover up those feelings by getting angry. And if you鈥檙e feeling helpless in some way, anger is often the go-to response. What do you do about that? Ask yourself: 鈥淎m I really mad about something? Or is it too hard for me to admit how I really feel?鈥� It might help to sit down and sort your feelings out with someone who can listen. And remember, anger puts a wedge between you and the people around you, at a time when you could use some support.

And be ready to apologize. You鈥檙e dealing with a lot, and you鈥檙e doing the best you can. As are your loved ones. If your anger got the best of you, admit it. Resolve to do better next time. Ask for help.

Start the Day Being Aware of Your Emotions

Here are some ways to get on top of your emotions proactively.

Each morning, do an inventory of your emotions. Ask yourself: 鈥淗ow am I feeling today? Glad? Great! Or sad? Scared? Frustrated? Just plain old mad?鈥� Ask yourself what鈥檚 causing you to feel that way. Most likely you can identify thoughts or recent events that are bringing up those feelings. If you鈥檙e angry, ask yourself why. And if you can鈥檛 come up with an answer, cast a wider net for other feelings that may be behind all that anger.

Take a look at what you can and can鈥檛 control. Taking a moment to acknowledge your level of control, or lack thereof, can help you to maintain your perspective. Is it time to recite the serenity prayer and accept what you can鈥檛 control? Or is it time to take some action to address an issue you have been pushing aside?

Know what you need to do to stay in a mentally healthy place. Again, be proactive. If you start the day with feelings that are hard to sit with, like sadness, frustration, or fear, then consider what you can do help yourself cope. Is there someone you can call for a pep talk? Do you need to take time for a walk? Maybe some meditation? A break with some calming music? Or a maybe a religious or spiritual practice? I always recommend to clients that they have a toolbox of coping skills they can pull from as needed.

Maintain self-awareness. It鈥檚 only human to feel overwhelmed when something happens that presses a button. So how do you stop that from happening? The key is to be aware of yourself, every moment of the day. That means knowing when you might be feeling especially vulnerable. Being your authentic self can enhance your wellness. Doing your morning emotional inventory will kick-start your self-awareness for the rest of the day.

Make Your Home a Safe Space for Emotions

Help your family members to feel comfortable talking about feelings. This will have an incredibly positive impact on the emotional wellness of everyone in your household.

Practice using feeling words. My clients have said to me that they鈥檙e afraid that if they talked about how they鈥檙e feeling, the roof might come crashing down on them. I can pretty much guarantee that won鈥檛 happen. So, give it a try. Start with something about how your day went: 鈥淚 felt frustrated at work today when鈥︹�� Or, 鈥淲hen I saw that traffic was backed up, I was worried that鈥︹�� Wow, you just expressed a feeling. That wasn鈥檛 so bad, was it?

And don鈥檛 assume your loved ones can鈥檛 listen to how you feel. One of the biggest excuses I hear for holding in emotions is protecting other people. In the first place, they can see your feelings all over your face so, chances are, you鈥檙e not fooling anybody. And in the second place, your loved ones may not be as fragile as you think they are. Not sure if they can talk about feelings with you? How about asking? And while you鈥檙e at it, volunteer to listen to how they feel, too.

Encourage your children to express emotions! Remember, kids know how their parents are feeling, and they may as a result hold back on saying something they fear may upset their parents. So, they may be holding back on talking about their feelings and not get the support from their parents they听need.

While We鈥檙e at It, Let鈥檚 Encourage People Around Us to Talk About Feelings

One more time: Humans have emotions. So here鈥檚 a challenge for you: What if you took a few more risks to talk about your own feelings鈥攚ith your family members, with your neighbors, at work, with any of the people you come into contact in life鈥攁nd encourage them to do the same?

Have a heart. You can鈥檛 control how you feel, but you don鈥檛 have to let your feelings control you. Accept your own feelings鈥攁ll of them鈥攁nd let yourself be human. Be aware of the range of your emotions. Sure, feelings can be scary, but allow your feelings to see the light of day.

Compassion. Give yourself a break, and you鈥檒l be that much more able to give others a break, too. We鈥檙e all in this together!

Ciao, Belle

Finding the words to describe my experience is akin to finding the right sentiment to a life-altering experience. Even now, as I sit here writing and searching for the ways to compartmentalize my thoughts, I am at a loss. I can begin to describe what my study abroad experience wasn鈥檛.

Traveling thousands of miles alone, for the very first time, wasn鈥檛 without fear. In fact, I was terrified. Going to a new country with a different culture and dynamic wasn鈥檛 easy. If anything, it was eye-opening. Finding this life experience amid all the chaos in our world wasn鈥檛 simple鈥攊t was one of the biggest steps I鈥檝e taken in my life.

My name is Rosabella, but I usually go by Belle. I was born with a visual disability I鈥檝e struggled with all my life. I am currently 22 years old and working to finish a Bachelor of Science in Liberal Arts with Excelsior. Because of my condition, among many other ones, I struggle to get out. I cannot drive, and many social activities always have fallen short of my capabilities. About 18 months ago, I was also in a car accident, leaving me unable to walk for about three months.

Excelsior was the best option, as the flexibility without needing to travel somewhere on my own or be around others made it ideal. Being isolated, though, confined to my space, I don鈥檛 find the life experiences many do. You could say I dreamed of being independent, to go on an adventure and explore outside my Rapunzel tower. I just didn鈥檛. I couldn鈥檛. I was told I couldn鈥檛, and it was evident by my past experiences that I wouldn鈥檛.

Fast-forward to the email I received from Excelsior in March 2024 highlighting the chance to study abroad in an amazing country I鈥檝e always dreamed of seeing. As I sat there, moments after crying that I鈥檇 never see anything outside my bedroom windows, it felt almost like a sign. All the fears lingered, and I realized I might have been foolish for thinking about being in a new country, getting on a plane, and separating from my family for that long, given the conditions I have.

But had that thinking ever stopped me before? No. And I wouldn鈥檛 let it this time either.

I got on that plane, eight hours on my own with my extreme fear of airplanes and a brace around my foot, trying to navigate the tiny print I could barely read. I did that. I settled into the dorms, finding my way to live for a month with brand-new people and routines that couldn鈥檛 be further from what I had known. I did that. I learned more about my painting trade through the class I took, despite being told most of my life that art like that would be impossible for me. I did that.

I walked the streets of Rome, surrounded by new potential danger and incredible churches and landmarks I couldn鈥檛 have ever dreamed of seeing. I did that. I took the train up to Florence, witnessing the deep passion of my favorite works of art I had only seen through school projects on my screen. I听did that. I trekked the ruins of Pompeii, my foot aching and my strength dwindling throughout the entire excursion while seeing the breathtaking historic monuments. I did that.

I did that.

I mean to say this, repetitive as it is. I did that, and I did that on my own. Sure, I had some support, and I had people around me. But despite everything I was told I couldn鈥檛 do, I did.

Lessons of the Eternal City

I am grateful for and enlightened by my period of studying in Rome as an Excelsior student. Much more than an academic pursuit, it has been a journey that has absolutely changed my view of many things by growing my knowledge of history and culture and, finally, changing my view of the world.

Upon arrival in Rome, I found myself instantly connected with the energetic combination of ancient history and modern lifestyle. The Roman Forum ruins, the grandeur of the Colosseum, and the splendor of the Vatican鈥攖hese were not ordinary tourist spots; rather, they were living, breathing classrooms. Each historic site had a story to be discovered, and as I learned about the details of life in ancient Rome, I started to grasp the depth of accomplishment, the lessons learned from history.

Academically, the study in Rome broadened my learning in unexpected ways. Course offerings included experiential learning whereby lectures might be conducted in museums or historic sites. This interactive type of learning reinforced the mastery of the subject, making abstract notions more concrete and familiar. For instance, Renaissance art could be explored while examining the masterpieces of Michelangelo so one could learn about the cultural and philosophical influences on the art of that time. This experiential learning set off a new spark in my life for history and the arts, an interest I still carry today.

My experience in Rome greatly influenced my outlook outside the classroom. Being among people of different backgrounds and points of view helped me learn the importance of putting oneself in other people鈥檚 shoes and being more tolerant of others. I came home a little wiser, determined to foster depth in my own community, with a deeper respect for diversity. Life in Rome taught me something more valuable about life than anything I would have learned in school: People learned to get over the obstacles of living in a place, persist through the barriers of language, and fit in with new social behaviors. And they were more robust and independent for it.

I learned to welcome uncertainty and approach problems with an eye toward finding solutions. As is often said, every obstacle conquered鈥攆rom riding the public transportation system to ordering a meal in Italian鈥攊s an opportunity for听growth.

All Roads Lead to鈥夆��

My study abroad experience at John Cabot University, in Rome, was a highlight of my liberal arts academic journey. This experience was made possible by the exquisite help I received from 91直播, which made the entire process run smoothly. As a Six Sigma practitioner, that is high praise! Excelsior used various communication methods to keep students well informed, including email, their website, and a chatbot. The staff was extremely knowledgeable about all requirements, including registration, travel, housing, and, most importantly to me, VA funding.

Upon arriving in Rome, I felt a bit grumpy, hungry, and exhausted after traveling from Utah. All I wanted was to get to my lodging without any problems. Given my 27-year background in logistics management in the Air Force, I am well aware of the difficulties associated with coordinating a large team bed-down. There are numerous moving parts, including personnel, luggage, and other logistics concerns. Excelsior and John Cabot executed the entire procedure flawlessly.

I enrolled in Street Photography, which I initially thought would be a breeze. However, it turned out to be much more challenging than I anticipated, with a significant emphasis on classroom work, theory, and composition. The professor, who was incredibly talented, led us through historic sites and town squares, giving us assignments that pushed us to apply what we learned in real time. We were required to bring our photos to class each day, and to my amazement, the professor remembered every student鈥檚 photos鈥攖heir composition, use of color or black and white, leading lines, rule of thirds, etc. Her attention to detail and ability to recall each student鈥檚 work was remarkable. I found myself wanting to incorporate her classroom management techniques when I returned home and resumed teaching.

As the name of the course implies, the homework involved traipsing through Rome, and each day I found myself covering 6鈥�8 miles, applying the day鈥檚 classroom theory. The final project was a five-minute video or PowerPoint presentation showcasing our work, and I titled my compilation 鈥淎ll Roads Lead to Rome.鈥� My work was a culmination of the countless miles I walked and the deep connection I formed with the Eternal City through my camera lens. I delved into the 鈥渁ll roads lead to Rome鈥� theme, researching the history and myths surrounding some of Rome鈥檚 most famous streets, such as the ancient Via Appia, the beloved Via Piccolomini with its stunning view of Vatican City, and the cherished Via dei Coronari and Via Panisperna. Additionally, I explored the legend of Castel Sant鈥橝ngelo, where the Archangel Michael is said to have appeared during a devastating plague, a miraculous event that led Pope Gregory I to rename the castle after the sighting. These historic events enriched my project, adding a deeper historical and cultural context to my work.

My study abroad experience was a pivotal moment in my education journey. The street photography course connected my liberal arts degree and my growing passion for teaching. The opportunity to assist a fellow student, who faced a medical challenge and missed several days of instruction, was a profound experience that combined my enthusiasm for education with the compassion and empathy essential for effective teaching. This experience, guided by a remarkable professor, highlighted the importance of adaptability and support in education. It also underscored the value of my unique educational background, which spans human resource management, logistics management, and liberal arts, and how these diverse fields enrich my approach as a 10th-grade teacher today.